Scaring Snape
by Aseku
Summary: Uh-Oh! Aseku and Azdio are bored again. This time, they decide to show Snape how much fun they can be by making him stay a week at Aseku's house with her deranged dog! How will Snape get out of this one? Simple answer, HE WON'T!! R&R, Flamers welcome!!
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, and I don't own Azdio. She's just… herself. Umm… yeah… Anyways, I do own myself! I'm Aseku!! Oh, and I don't own any of the people who make cameos in this fic, k? Ok, I'll write now.

Author's Note: This is following my Crazy Interview With Voldemort. IT IS NOT A SEQUEL!!!! It's sort of an A/U. I will do my best to make this as funny as I can. This was written when I was at home… bored. Yes I know, scary, isn't it? Anyways, this is what happens when me'n Azdio decide to visit our old buddy Snape! Enjoy!

Bored Again

Aseku: I'm bored now that Voldemort's gone home.

Azdio: Me too.

Aseku: Whatcha wanna do?

Azdio: I dunno.

Aseku: I KNOW!! Let's go visit SNAPE!!

Audience: YAY!!!

Azdio: (confused) I thought I sent you all home.

Aseku: Guess not. Anyway, wanna go visit Snape? Huh? Do ya? Huh? PLEEEEEASE?!?!

Azdio: Have you been chugging Surge again?

Aseku: NO!! (looks sheepish) Yes.

Azdio: I thought your parents banned you from that.

Aseku: So?

Azdio: I see. Well anyway, I suppose that we could go and visit Snape. After all, it's been a while since we saw him.

Aseku: Yeah I know!! Seven whole hours!! And 42.713 minutes of course.

Azdio: (stares at Aseku) You've been counting?

Aseku: *nods*

Azdio: To the millisecond?

Aseku: *nods again*

Azdio: We have really got to get you a hobby.

Aseku: So can we go now?!

Azdio: All right. (pulls out her notebook and pencil)

Aseku: I wanna do it!!

Azdio: (looks at her) *sigh* Fine. (hands Aseku the notebook and pencil)

Aseku: YAY!!! (writes something down and she, Azdio, and the audience that is mysteriously still there appear in the middle of the Outback right next to Steve Irwin.)

Azdio: ASEKU!!!!!!!

Steve Irwin: G'day mates! *gasp* Don't move. There's a Fierce Snake, right behind your left leg. I'm going to try to catch it. (does so) WOOO!! Look at her!! She a little beauty, she is! Yes indeed!

Aseku: (looks sheepish once again)

Azdio: (grabs the notebook and pencil) Give me that! That's the last time I ever let YOU use the notebook again!

Aseku: (looks all depressed)

Azdio: Don't give me that! It's your own stupid fault! Now then (scribbles something down and they appear in Snape's dungeon office thingy) There, that's MUCH better. (Snape walks in)

Snape: AH! What are you two doing here?! I thought you were going to leave me alone!!

Aseku: Now why would we do that?!

Snape: Because you're evil little monsters and nobody can stand to stay in the same vicinity as you for more than 2 minutes.

Audience: BOOOOO!!!

Audience Member 1: Be nice to Aseku and Azdio!!

Snape: How did you all manage to fit behind my specimen shelf?

Audience Member 2: We seem to be good at things like this.

Aseku: Awwww, Snape doesn't like us? (grins evilly) Then we'll have to MAKE you like us!

Azdio: I read you loud and clear! (scribbles something down in her notebook and they appear in Aseku's T.V. room)

Aseku: (confused) Why are we at my house?

Azdio: Because my parents got mad at me when Harry, Ron, Hermione, Dumbledore, Voldemort, and… well… you know the list. My parents got mad when they left a huge mess, and, well, let's just say he's not welcome at my house anymore.

Aseku: Ah! I see. Well, lucky for us, my parents are out of town for the week. So he can stay here.

Snape: (looking from Aseku to Azdio) Oh God no, not again. You are NOT making me stay here for an entire week.

Aseku: Actually, we were only planning on making you stay here for today and tonight, but since you suggested it…

Aseku & Azdio: LET'S MAKE IT A WEEK!!!!!

Snape: NOOOOOO!!! (brightens a little) But what about my classes? I have to teach my classes every day!

Azdio: Taken care of. We got a sub for you.

Snape: There has to be some reason I can't stay here… Ah! I'm allergic to cats! Sorry, I'd love to be staying but I can't because I'm allergic to cats.

Aseku: That's ok! I've got a dog! MICKEY!!! COME HERE!!!!

Snape: (watches in horror as a small tan dog runs in, yapping happily)

Mickey: Yapyapyapyap (spots Snape and runs over)

Snape: Yuck! What's it doing? Get it away from me!

Mickey: (sniffs Snape's leg and pees on him)

Snape: AHHHHHHHHH!!!! Disgusting animal!! Get AWAY from me!! (attempts to kick Mickey but Mickey dodges it and latches onto his leg)

Mickey: Grrrrrrr (shakes his head, leaving a nice set of gashes in Snape's leg)

Snape: AHHHHHH!!! It BIT me!! The stupid animal BIT me!! It might be rabid!! It might have a disease!! I ought to sue you for this!!

Aseku: (glances at Azdio)

Azdio: (nods and scribbles something down)

Snape: (is suddenly gagged)

Aseku: Sorry, we had to shut you up somehow. Now, Mickey, come.

Mickey: (instantly abandons Snape's leg and bounds over to Aseku happily)

Aseku: Good boy! Sit!

Mickey: (does so)

Aseku: Good Boy! Stay!

Mickey: (lays down with his head on his paws, watching Snape)

Aseku: (nods to Azdio)

Azdio: (scribbles something down and Snape's gag disappears) Now then, I have to go home, it's 6:00. (A/N: It's dinner time for Azdio) I am leaving the notebook with Aseku. I expect you to be good.

Snape: Mumblegrumble

Aseku: See ya Azdio!! (writes something in the notebook and Azdio disappears)

Azdio: (appearing in the desert) ASEKU!!!!!!

Aseku: So, what do you want for dinner, Severus?

Severus: (is silently glowering)

Aseku: Macaroni and Cheese it is then!!! (runs upstairs)

Snape: I wonder how long it would take the police to find me if I killed her?

Mickey: Grrrrrrrrr…

Snape: *sigh* Oh never mind. (starts walking upstairs with Mickey following him) Leave me alone, mutt.

Mickey: Grrrrrrr…

Snape: GO AWAY!!! (pulls out his wand to blast the dog)

Mickey: (grabs Snape's robes and rips them off)

Snape: (screams like a little girl)

Aseku: WHAT IS GOING ON DOWN THERE?! IF I HAVE TO COME DOWN THERE, YOU TWO DON"T GET ANY SUPPER!!!

Mickey: (lays down and starts chewing on Snape's robes)

Snape: Your mutt just ripped off my robes!!

Aseku: Well he probably had good reason! Now get up here and eat!!

Snape: Mumblegrumble

Aseku: Well?

Snape: (slowly trudges upstairs)

Aseku: (catching sight of Snape's smiley face boxers) Mmpht- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *gasp* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

Snape: (pulls out his wand) (A/N: I have NO CLUE where he was keeping that thing, and I'm not really sure I want to know)

Mickey: (runs up behind Snape and growls warningly)

Snape: (looks depressed and puts his wand away)

Mickey: (snorts satisfiedly)

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Will Snape ever get his robes back? Why IS he wearing smiley faced boxers? Is Mickey possessed? Well, I'm not really sure yet, but I'll keep you updated in later chapters. Review!!


	2. SHUT UP OVER THERE!

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, and I don't own Azdio, and I don't own any of the characters that make cameos in this fic, k? I do, however, own Aseku and I will be most upset if you use her without my permission. THANX!!!

Author's Note: Ok guys, it turns out Azdio's kinda mad at me for sending her to the desert, so she took away my notebook privileges. Now I'm stuck using a laptop, WHICH IS FINE WITH ME!! Anyway, just thought I'd let you know why I don't have the notebook anymore. Enjoy the story!!

SHUT UP OVER THERE!!!

Snape: (A/N: Everyone has eaten) Ok, where am I going to sleep?

Aseku: You can sleep in my brother's room.

Snape: Why isn't your brother sleeping there? Did he wise up and run away, or did your demonic dog kill him in his sleep?

Aseku: Nah, he's just away at college.

Snape: Oh… I see. (looks down at Mickey) Where does he sleep?

Aseku: Wherever he wants. So, how about it Mick? Where you gonna sleep tonight?

Mickey: (looks around my brother's room and jumps onto his bottom bunk)

Snape: No no no no no. He is NOT sleeping in here with me.

Aseku: Ok, you can sleep on the couch if you want.

Snape: What?! The dog has precedence over me?!

Aseku: *shrugs* His house. You're the guest here in case you forgot.

Snape: (muttering) More like prisoner.

Aseku: (sharply) What was that?!

Mickey: *growls*

Snape: *sigh* Nothing…

Aseku: Good. Now take your pick: bed or couch.

Snape: Can't you at least guarantee that he won't bite me during the night?

Aseku: Oh don't worry!! Mickey never bites people unless they're threatening a person in his family.

Snape: Really?

Aseku: Really. *yawns* Well, I'm going to bed. Take your pick of your sleeping location and shut up. I've got school tomorrow and I have to get up at 5:30 to catch the bus.

Snape: But the dog's hogging the bed.

Aseku: Hello!! Bunk beds!! Two bunks!!

Snape: But I don't want the top bunk! I have a tendency of rolling over in my sleep. Can't you make him move?

Aseku: Tough break. How about this, I think my brother has some old baby rails. I could put those up for you.

Snape: No, no, I'll be fine…

Aseku: Don't be silly!! I insist!!

*10 Minutes Later*

Aseku: There you go!!

Snape: (looks in horror at the two rails attached to the top bunk, realizing that they're covered in pink hearts and rattles) No way. I'm going to sleep on the couch.

Aseku: Oh no you don't! I just spent ten minutes digging out and setting up those rails for you! You're sleeping here.

Snape: *grumble* But I don't want to… *sigh* Can you at least make them seem a little more… mature… and maybe a little more masculine?

Aseku: *sigh* That's it. Then I'm going to bed. (types something on her laptop and the rails turn a deep mahogany color that perfectly matches the wood of the bed) That better?

Snape: I suppose.

Aseku: Good. Bed. Now!

Snape: But it's too early for bed! I usually don't go to bed for another hour!

Aseku: Let me pretend I care for a minute. (puts on a sympathetic face) Ok, I'm done. BED!! (stalks over to her room and slams the door)

Snape: *sigh* I'm not tired yet. (catches sight of a small T.V.) Ah! One of those muggle entertainment devices, what did the girl call those? Ah yes! A television. Now if I can just remember how to work it… I remember! I have to find a small device called a remote. (starts looking around the room until he spots the remote lying on the nightstand next to the bed Mickey is currently laying on) Crap! (looks at Mickey, who returns the glance) Ok, mutt, I know you're as bored as I am.

Mickey: (eyes Snape suspiciously)

Snape: So I have a proposition to make. If you let me grab the remote, I'll let you watch television.

Mickey: (thinks for a moment then snorts)

Snape: (grabs the remote) Nice choice mutt.

Mickey: (growls warningly)

Snape: *sigh* Fine, I'll call you Mickey from now on.

Mickey: (snorts happily)

Snape: (turning on the T.V.) Ok, let's see. (turns on an old Gilligan's Island marathon) What is this junk? (flips to Emergency Vets on Animal Planet) DISGUSTING!! Why do muggles find it necessary to watch other muggles pulling animals innards out?! (flips again, this time to a commercial for the new Harry Potter movie) WHAT THE?!?! What is this?!

Aseku: (from the next room) SHUT UP!!! GO TO SLEEP SEVERUS!!

Snape: You wouldn't believe what is on the television!

Aseku: (stomps into the room) WHAT?!

Snape: It's an advertisement for a movie about us, the wizards!

Aseku: (getting really, really P.O.'d) You mean to tell me that you woke me up… FOR A T.V. COMMERCIAL?!?!

Snape: Yes, but it's about-

Aseku: I COULD NOT CARE LESS WHAT IT'S ABOUT!! YOU ARE GOING TO LAY DOWN ON YOUR BED AND GO TO SLEEP!! IF NOT, YOU ARE AT LEAST GOING TO STAY QUIET!! I WILL NOT BE WOKEN UP AGAIN!!

Snape: Yes but-

Aseku: NO BUTS!! I DON'T CARE IF YOUR LUNGS ARE FALLING OUT OF YOUR CHEST!! YOU WILL NOT WAKE ME UP AGAIN!! I have to get up at 5:30, which means you will have to do the same. LIGHTS OUT!!! (Aseku storms back to her room and slams the door again)

Snape: Why do I have to-

Aseku: QUIET!!!

Snape: *sigh* I guess I could try to go to sleep now. (turns out the lights)

*In the middle of the night*

Aseku: (waking up to a loud rumbling) What the… what is that? (walks over to Snape's room and finds him snoring louder than a chainsaw) SEVERUS!!!

Snape: (jerking awake) Huh? Wha? *groan* It's two o'clock a.m., Aseku! What do you want?

Aseku: You were snoring.

Snape: You woke me up to tell me I was snoring?

Aseku: (pulls out a tape recorder and plays it) Hear that?

Snape: (covering his ears) Ahh!! What is that AWEFUL noise?!

Aseku: What I had to sleep to.

Snape: That's me?!

Aseku: Bingo. (hands Snape a roll of duct tape) Fix the problem or face my sleep-deprived wrath. (walks back to her bedroom)

Snape: Well what does she expect me to do with this? (looks at Mickey) Do you know?

Mickey: (gives Snape a bewildered look)

Snape: Ah! I'm losing it! I'm talking to a DOG!!

Mickey: (growls a little)

Snape: This is insane. I'm just going back to sleep and hoping I don't snore anymore.

*The next morning*

Snape: (walking out to the kitchen and seeing nothing but a note on the table) What's this?

Note: Dear Severus,

I'll be home at about 2:45. The pantry and fridge are open to you.

Stay out of trouble and let the dog out a couple of times. Thanks!

Aseku

Snape: Well that sounds simple enough. (Mickey walks in and looks up at Snape with pleading eyes) What do you want?

Mickey: (stares at Snape then looks pointedly at the door)

Snape: Oh, I see. You have to go outside, huh?

Mickey: (trots over to the door and starts dancing around, barking)

Snape: Shut up! Shut up! I'm coming! (opens the door and Mickey bolts out) Well that was easy enough. (looks out the window and doesn't see Mickey anywhere) Uh-oh… this can't be good.

******************************************************************

Uh-oh, what'd Snape do now? Can he possibly have lost Mickey? Or is the evil little monster just playing a trick on him? More importantly, how will Aseku react when she finds out Mickey is gone? Find out in the next chapter! Review!! 


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